res ipsa fuhgeddaboutit

uprightcitizens:

make-em-laugh:

crabcakes:

cheia:

Liz: You are my heroine. And by heroine, I mean “lady hero”. I don’t want to inject you and listen to jazz.

Liz: Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn’t mean I don’t love America.

Liz: But I already have a drink.  Do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks?

Jack: Sure. I gotcha. New York, third-wave feminist, college educated, single and pretending to be happy about it, overscheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that has ‘Healthy Body Image’ on the cover and every two years you take up knitting for… a week.

A four-thousand dollar ham napkin.

bridgecomedy:

Dear Stonyfield Yogurt’s “Oikos” Division,

You don’t know what honey is.  I don’t know what that goo was that was at the bottom of your Greek yogurt with “honey,” but I assure you, sirs, it was not honey.

It resembled the consistency of semi-thawed, semi-sweetened, partially-digested chicken drippings and made me seriously regret buying your brand for fifty cents less than a competitor’s brand - a competitor’s brand, mind you, that has one quintessential upper hand - they know what honey is.

You have insulted my tastebuds.

Not to mention the term “home” which your Greek yogurt division’s moniker denotes.

People in my home don’t try to pull some non-honey honey bullshit.

Sincerely,

Bridget “I Really Like Honey And That Wasn’t It” Fitzgerald

chrisreblogs:

mikescollins:

chrisreblogs:

Oh my. That time again.

Thank You Robot is playing at Under St. Marks (again) at 10:30pm tonight.  I’m excited because Tickles and (one of my favorite teams to watch) Daddy are performing with us.

And then I’ll be at the Creek most of the weekend for the twice a year Up The Creek Improv Festival.  Which will just be fun.  It’s kinda like the Del Close with more mixed drinks, less out of town teams, and more being forced to actually sleep at some point.

Unlike many folks, I’m only performing once (Sunday 2pm).  It’s with Nicole D. and our rarely performing but always rewarding two person team called (creatively) “Nicole & Chris.”  Expect a scene or two of emotional out pouring.  We nail that.

Is “Nicole & Chris” the same as “Against All Odds”?  Cause I’ve only had the privilege (yes, privilege) of seeing AAO once but I fell in love.  If you guys are free, you should see this show!

“Nicole & Chris” is the same as AAO except that we don’t force a break up.  I would guess there is a 78% chance that we will do a show of some sort of couple that breaks ups or gets close anyway.

I really enjoyed the breakup show that I saw - it was the museum one.

abbijacobson:

Mary Toft (1701–1763) was an English woman from Godalming, Surrey, who in 1726 became the subject of considerable controversy when she hoaxed doctors into believing that she had given birth to rabbits. Toft became pregnant in 1726, but later miscarried. Apparently fascinated by a rabbit she had seen while working, she claimed to have given birth to parts of animals. Local surgeon John Howard was called to investigate, and upon delivering several animal parts he notified other prominent physicians. The matter came to the attention of Nathaniel St. André, surgeon to the Royal Household of King George I of Great Britain. St. André investigated and concluded that Toft was telling the truth. The king also sent surgeon Cyriacus Ahlers to see Toft, but Ahlers remained sceptical. By now quite famous, Toft was brought to London and was studied at length. Under intense scrutiny, and producing no more rabbits, she eventually confessed to the hoax and was subsequently imprisoned. The public mockery which followed created panic within the medical profession.

This actually happened.  I guess I should keep my son Bear to myself.

Rabbity!

Outside Key Food, 4th Street and Avenue A:

Homeless Man #1: (incoherent mumbles, standing in a small pool of liquid)

Key Food Manager: We can tell you not to stay in front of the store.

Homeless Man #1: Who’s gonna stop me?

Homeless Man #2: Hey, this man lets you hang out in front of his store all day.  Don’t fuck with his shit, man!